Make Capable Cool Again
Helplessness isn’t a flex. Capability used to be cool—and it still should be. It’s time to bring back competence as the standard.
We used to admire the kind of person who could figure things out. Someone who could stay calm, assess a situation, and take action without falling apart. That didn’t just mean knowing how to survive a disaster, it meant being the one who could fix the broken sink, navigate a problem at work, jump a dead car battery, or talk their way through a complicated moment without looking around for someone else to take the lead.
Being capable wasn’t a gimmick. It wasn’t about being flashy or putting on some tough-guy persona. It was about knowing that if something went wrong, you could handle it. It was about being competent, and it was something people used to take pride in.
Now it feels like that has completely flipped. More and more, I see people not only lacking basic skills, but actually bragging about it. Like it’s funny or impressive to not know how to do anything for yourself. The phrase “I’ve got a guy for that” has become a punchline people deliver with pride, as if outsourcing every single task is some kind of high-status move. But it’s not. If you’ve made the decision to outsource something because your time is better spent elsewhere, that’s one thing. But if you literally don’t know how to do it at all and you’re proud of that, that’s a completely different conversation.
There’s also a growing detachment from reality that’s made this worse. A lot of people walk through life thinking nothing bad will ever happen to them. They assume that systems will work, professionals will always show up, and they’ll never be the one who has to respond in a critical moment. That kind of dissociative thinking makes people fragile. It leaves them unprepared when real-world problems show up, and problems show up more often than most people care to admit.
Being capable isn’t just about having the right skill set, it’s about knowing how to apply it under pressure, keeping yourself and others calm, thinking clearly in chaos, and adapting to constantly changing variables. That kind of composure is a dying trait, and the only reason I keep writing about it is because it still matters in every aspect of life, whether you're at home, on the road, at work, or in an actual emergency. The ability to stay grounded and effective when everyone else is spinning their wheels isn’t just useful. It changes outcomes.
I think a lot about old-school James Bond. Not the Hollywood nonsense or the gadgets. I’m talking about the version of Bond who could blend in, stay composed under stress, drive any vehicle, think tactically, and work a problem from any angle. Sure, he had gear and backup, but that’s not what made him effective. What made him effective was that he could solve problems in real time. He didn’t fall apart. He didn’t look for someone else to take charge. He trusted himself, and he earned that trust by becoming someone who had done the work ahead of time. He was cool because he was capable.
Compare that to what we see now. I was at a cigar bar in Boca Raton a while back, talking with a close friend about how hard it is to properly hang a commercial-grade door. It’s not a basic handyman job. It takes precision, an understanding of the structure, weight distribution, and a good eye for details most people miss. My friend, Domsky, who has since passed away, taught me how to do it years ago. He was one of those people who made hard things look easy, and talking about the process was a way of paying respect to that.
While we were talking, a guy at the bar overheard and decided to chime in with, “Why would you even want to do that? I’ve got a guy for that,” and then he chuckled like that was some kind of flex. But I just shook my head. If he had said something like, “I used to do that stuff, but now I pay someone because I value my time differently,” I would’ve respected that. That’s a conscious decision made from a place of understanding. But being proud that you have no idea how to do something important or useful, and laughing about it like you’re above it, that’s exactly the mindset I’m talking about. That’s the rot.
What people don’t realize is that this kind of attitude has consequences. When you don’t know how to do anything for yourself, you become dependent. And when you’re dependent, you’re vulnerable. It’s not just about inconvenience, it’s about giving up control of your life and placing all your confidence in the hope that someone else will always be available to fix your problems for you. But what happens when that guy doesn’t answer the phone? What happens when you’re on your own and something breaks, or goes sideways, or turns into a situation where you don’t have time to wait around?
The people who hold it together in moments like that aren’t superheroes. They’re not geniuses. They’re just competent. They’ve built skills over time, failed at things, figured it out, paid attention, and kept their hands in the work. They’ve put in the reps, and now when something happens, they can say, “I got this,” and actually mean it.
That kind of person doesn’t have to be the best at everything. They just need to be familiar enough with a broad range of things that they’re useful in most situations. The term I’ve used before is a capable generalist. Someone who doesn’t panic when the lights go out. Someone who knows how to ask the right questions, start the right tasks, and carry their weight without turning it into a production.
When we normalize incompetence, we make everything worse. We make our homes more fragile, our workplaces more dependent, and our society less resilient. We stop innovating because fewer people understand how things actually work. We stop building things ourselves, so we stop valuing the people who can. And then one day, we look around and realize we’re all stuck waiting for someone else to show up with the skills we never bothered to learn.
This isn’t about being macho or trying to prove something. It’s about getting serious about the world we live in. It’s about deciding that it’s not okay to be completely helpless. It’s about bringing back a baseline level of competence and self-reliance that used to be normal. No one is saying you have to go it alone or be some self-contained survival machine. But you should be able to contribute. You should be able to take care of yourself and the people around you when it matters.
Convenience is fine. But if you can’t function without it, that’s a problem.
So if you’re looking for a place to start, start with this. Aim to be the kind of person who can figure things out. Someone who knows what to do when something breaks, or doesn’t work, or goes wrong. Someone who can be useful in a crisis, calm in a conversation, and deliberate in how they approach a challenge. Because when the pressure hits, the person everyone wants nearby is the one who knows how to act. The one who doesn’t flinch. The one who’s been there before.
It’s time we stop pretending helplessness is charming. It’s not. Let’s bring back the person who takes pride in knowing, doing, building, fixing, solving, and carrying the weight when it needs to be carried. Let’s make capable cool again.