Notes on Leadership

Built from Mistakes, Written to Be Useful

I didn’t set out to write a rulebook on leadership. I started writing these notes down because I needed them for myself. I was frustrated… wasting time, energy, and money trying to fix problems that kept showing up in the people around me, only to realize I hadn’t led them the right way in the first place. And when you keep ending up in the same situation, eventually you have to stop pointing outward and start looking in the mirror.

Leading others starts with leading yourself. That’s where all of this began for me. If I’m being honest, I’ve always been one of the hardest people to lead. I don’t take direction well unless it makes sense. I don’t respond to hierarchy or credentials. I need logic, clarity, and competence before I’ll buy in. That’s just how I’m wired. And if I’m that difficult to lead, then maybe figuring out how to lead someone like me was the best place to start.

Over the years, I’ve ended up in leadership positions, some in environments where the cost of bad decisions is immediate, and others in business, where the consequences are slower but just as painful. These days, I’m the one people look to for answers. I run teams. I advise companies. I build systems. And leadership is a central part of everything I do.

What follows isn’t theory. These are real principles I use. Some were learned the hard way. Some I’ve had to relearn more than once. I wrote them down because I needed a reference point for myself. And if they help someone else sharpen their edge or avoid a few costly mistakes, even better.

I. Set Expectations So Clearly They Can’t Be Misunderstood

One of the fastest ways to lose a team is to be vague about what you expect. If you want accountability, you need clarity. You don’t build that by writing a job description or giving a motivational speech. You build it by telling someone exactly what they’re responsible for, what success looks like, and what the consequences are if they fall short. Then you make sure they understand it.

That includes what you don’t care about. Most leaders focus only on what they want, but people remember it when you give them space on the things that aren’t mission critical. If you don’t care when they show up, as long as the deliverables are done, say that. If you don’t care about dress code, or email formatting, or sitting in a chair for eight hours, make it known. The clearer you are about what matters and what doesn’t, the more energy your team can put into the work that counts.

Assumptions are where leadership fails. If you never took the time to explain the baseline, you don’t get to act surprised when it’s not met. And if your standard only lives in your head, it’s not a standard—it’s a setup for failure.

II. Always Give the Why

People need a reason. Even when they act like they don’t. If you skip the why, they’ll make one up, and it probably won’t be helpful.

Giving the why creates direction. It gives meaning to what might otherwise feel like busywork. It keeps your people from asking the same quiet questions over and over. Why are we doing this? Why now? Why this way? Most of the time, they won’t ask you directly. They’ll just nod, then go back to their desk and second guess the task, the plan, and you.

You don’t have to give a speech every time you delegate. But you do need to give enough context that the person understands this isn’t arbitrary. Even a sentence makes a difference. “We’re doing this because it eliminates two hours of wasted effort every week.” That’s all it takes to anchor a task to a purpose.

It also builds trust. Explaining the why shows that you respect the people you’re leading. It says you’ve thought it through and that they deserve to be looped in. You get better results, fewer delays, and less friction when people know what they’re working toward.

III. Don’t Ask People to Do Something You Wouldn’t Do Yourself

You can’t lead from a distance. You have to understand what you’re asking for. That doesn’t mean you have to be better at it than your team, but you do need to have done it, be willing to do it, or at the very least, know what it takes to do it right.

There are times when you bring in people smarter than you in a certain area. That’s fine. But you still need to be able to speak their language and guide the outcome. If you’re completely hands-off and have no idea what they’re doing, you’re not leading them. You’re just hoping it works out.

If I expect someone to carry weight, I’ve carried it first. I’ve done the grunt work. I’ve stayed late. I’ve walked into the tough meetings. That’s not about pride—it’s about credibility. If someone sees that you’ve done the thing you’re asking them to do, they’ll respect the ask. If they know you wouldn’t hesitate to do it again, they’ll take it seriously.

Leadership means knowing the job and not being above the work. If you lose that, you lose the team.

IV. Give People the Tools to Win

You can’t expect results from people you didn’t equip. If you want performance, you have to invest in it. That means giving people the right tools, the right training, and enough room to actually use them.

This shows up everywhere. Whether it’s giving someone the software they need to move faster, the access they need to make decisions, or the time they need to train before being thrown into the deep end. You are responsible for setting the conditions. When your team knows you’ve set them up to win, they work harder. Not because you told them to, but because you’ve shown them it matters.

It also reinforces your credibility. Even if you haven’t done the exact job they’re doing, you’ve done something close enough to understand the pain points. You’ve dealt with pressure, timelines, client expectations, and the constant threat of things falling apart. That’s the kind of experience that helps you anticipate what people need before they ask for it.

Don’t make people beg for what they need. Don’t hand off responsibility and then walk away. If they’re not set up to succeed, and you’re the one who put them there, that’s your failure. Not theirs.

V. Normalize After Action Reports

Everything gets an after action. Good outcome, bad outcome, doesn’t matter. You run it every time so people expect it. That way, when things go wrong, it’s not a witch hunt. And when things go right, you don’t miss the chance to lock in what worked.

It’s not just about learning. It’s about giving your team a safe space to talk. Everyone wants to vent. Everyone wants to say what they really thought about how it went. If you don’t give them a way to do that constructively, they’ll find other ways—usually behind your back, or not at all.

Make the after action the place for that. Let people air their complaints, but only if they do it with the intent to improve something. No aimless bitching. No blaming without owning. Reward the people who bring up real problems and tie them to real solutions. That’s how you build a team that trusts each other enough to tell the truth.

When you make debriefs a standard, people stop being defensive. They start expecting feedback, and they start giving it to each other. That’s where real growth happens.

VI. Don’t Confuse Silence with Agreement

Just because someone doesn’t say anything doesn’t mean they’re aligned. Silence is cheap. Most people would rather nod and get out of the room than raise a hand and slow things down. But that kind of silence is dangerous, because it creates false confidence.

You can’t let unspoken doubt slide. You have to pull it out. Ask for pushback. Check for clarity. Make sure people are really tracking. Because when they’re not, and they go off in the wrong direction, you’re going to pay for it later.

This doesn’t mean you babysit. It means you read the room and confirm alignment. You should be able to say, “Tell me what you heard,” without making it feel like a quiz. You’re not testing them. You’re verifying communication.

The goal is understanding, not agreement. And you won’t get either if you treat silence like a green light.

VII. Address Problems Early, Not Eventually

When something’s off, deal with it. Don’t wait. Don’t rationalize it. Don’t hope it self-corrects. It won’t.

Small problems become big ones fast. A missed deadline turns into a pattern. A half-effort task becomes a baseline. If you don’t address it right away, you’re telling the rest of the team that the standard is flexible. And once people realize they can slip without consequence, they start testing how far they can go.

Dealing with things early keeps them small. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic intervention. It can be a five-minute check-in, a quick course correction, a private call to ask what’s going on. The point is to keep your hands on the wheel and steer before you’re in the ditch.

You’re not doing anyone a favor by ignoring issues. You’re just letting them grow into something harder to fix.

VIII. Protect the Standard, Not the Person

It’s easy to let high performers get away with things. Or to overlook small issues because you like someone. But every time you do that, you weaken the standard.

You can’t lead based on who you like. You have to lead based on what’s right. If someone is great at their job but toxic to the team, that needs to be handled. If someone consistently cuts corners but never gets checked because they’re seen as “critical,” you’re building a fragile system around one person.

Protect the standard first. Everyone else is watching. If they see you enforcing it fairly, they’ll respect you. If they see you bending the rules, they’ll start bending them too.

Leadership isn’t about avoiding hard conversations. It’s about setting the tone. The moment the standard only applies to some people, it stops being a standard. It becomes a suggestion.

Leadership Is Earned Every Day

Leadership isn’t about having authority. It’s about what you do with it. You don’t get to call yourself a leader just because your name is on the door or because people report to you. That part’s easy. What’s hard is showing up consistently, setting the tone, and making sure everyone around you knows what’s expected and why it matters.

You’re responsible for the standard. You’re responsible for the direction. And you’re responsible for making sure people are equipped to do the job well. If there’s confusion, it’s on you. If there’s dysfunction, you own that too. You don’t get to distance yourself from the outcomes once you’ve taken the seat. That’s the trade. You carry the weight, or you don’t lead.

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being accountable. It’s about paying attention to the things that matter and correcting course when you drift. The best leaders I’ve worked with, the ones I’ve followed without hesitation, didn’t need to remind anyone who they were. They just did the work, held the line, and made sure the people around them had what they needed to win.

If you’re going to lead, do it with purpose. Don’t delegate it to hope. Don’t hide behind a title. Don’t wait for things to go wrong to start paying attention. The team will follow your example long before they follow your instructions. Make sure it’s one worth following.